I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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