The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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