4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
