Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
