I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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