Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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