I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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