first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
