Don't make out with my wife yet
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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