as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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