make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
