dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
