Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize