I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
