who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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