he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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