I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
