I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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