new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
