So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
