so that wasnt chicken after all
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
