I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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