I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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