I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
