Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
