I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
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Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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