Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
