Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
