dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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