I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize