And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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