Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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