I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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