um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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