she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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