There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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