he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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