I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
