Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
