you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
