ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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