Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
