You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
