he shaved USA in his pubs
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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