Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
