dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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