No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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