so that wasnt chicken after all
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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