she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
