I'm so fucking centered right now
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Randomize
