u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
