No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
