as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
