yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
