my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize