that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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