I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize