I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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