I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
