So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
