I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
