Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
