Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Randomize
