hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
