Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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