I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
