She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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