I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
