He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
